They’re lying to us about self-care Sunday.

Angela Piper
3 min readMar 18, 2022

What they’re selling us about self-care is bullshit.

Face mask + Skin Care on fluffy pink blanket

Yea, I said it. When the idea of self care started gaining popularity, I noticed it fell into one or two categories. Either it was “make time for a hot shower, a good cup of coffee, time to read a book” or it was “have a spa day, buy yourself a new designer handbag, go on a vacation by yourself!”.

Let me tell you why I hate both alternatives.

  1. The first kind of self care leads us to believe that basic parts of everyday life should now be moments we cherish as “extras”.

Now, as a Mom, I know that a hot shower is not always a possibility, and getting to actually enjoy one (without the phantom cries, or someone barging in on you) does feel like self-care. What I mean is, you shouldn’t me made to feel like making time to shower is a reward for the stressful parts of your life.

2. Taking care of yourself is NOT the same as self care.

You deserve to have things like a hot shower and a cup of coffee and a hot meal each day. That is not the same as self-care. At least not the way that the media and mental health experts want you to practice it. Just like staying adequately hydrated isn’t.

3. The second kind of self-care is an absolute joke for the middle class moms who need it the most.

A spa day?! When am I supposed to schedule that in between shuttling kids, working from home, laundry, grocery shopping, extended family obligations, church, extracurriculars, oh, and a hot shower. Many of us struggle to make the time for a proper haircut or doctor’s appointment. Where in the world would I fit that in. Let alone a trip where I don’t have to pack 3 additional suitcases for the rest of my family and plan the entire itinerary.

4. Many of the things in the secondary camp for self-care are not financially feasible for the people they’re targeted at.

Listen, I would love to Anna Delvey it and head to La Mamounia whenever I need to unwind, but that’s not my reality.

Inventing Anna La Mamounia

Here’s what I think self-care really is.

Self-care can only truly be defined by you. I am in an incredible community where we all shared what self-care looks like for us.

It’s different for everyone. (However, one of our tribe shared that she has a good shower cry when she’s overwhelmed and all of the mamas in the group said Amen.)

The most important thing about your self-care routine is that it allows you to reset. That is what it’s really about.

What is your favorite way to reset? Tell me below and don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter here.

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Angela Piper

Wife to @davidpipervo & Mom of 3. 📚 Best Selling Author 📍Dallas girl in Spain 🇪🇸 🖊️ Currently writing NYT’s next bestseller